The Boredom of Functioning
My path to liveliness and fulfillment
Life is about liveliness and fulfillment; there’s no place for boredom.
In the following, I will tell you how I ended my career several times and started something new, to lead now a life that fulfills me more than anything before. Maybe my story will inspire you if you are experiencing something similar.
My first career was as a mathematician. I taught at a university, performed research, and ran a company for math teaching tools. I had dedicated my heart and soul to it. I worked day and night, sometimes seven days a week – not because I had to, but because I wanted to. It gave me pleasure and fulfilled me deeply. And I was successful; I traveled the world, gave lectures and seminars, wrote books, received a lot of recognition ... and earned a good living.
But after over twenty years, the magic had worn off. My career was still varied in detail, but uniform on the whole. Wherever I was on this planet, it felt like I was constantly having the same conversations with the same people about the same topics.
I no longer experienced any enthusiasm for what I was doing. Why? Because I wasn’t learning anything new anymore. My greatest pleasure had always been when someone asked me a question that I didn’t have an answer to. Every new question was an opportunity to grow. It was the greatest pleasure for me when I had to do this spontaneously during a lecture seminar. I felt incredibly alive in such situations. It’s like surfing, where every new wave is a new challenge.
But now I had reached a point where no more new questions were coming. As I had all the answers ready, I was just functioning. But I was far too curious to keep doing what I was doing. I needed a new challenge.
In 2009, I ended my career at university and dissolved my company. As I had always been passionately curious, I had attended several trainings alongside my math career. I had used the few free weekends to learn something. The spectrum ranged from nutrition to psychology, alchemy, numerology, kinesiology, breathing therapy, shamanism, and Ayurveda. It was therefore natural for me to start a coaching career. I was enthusiastic again.
After many years of traveling around the globe, I enjoyed the leisurely pace my life now had. Besides personal coaching sessions, I gave talks and seminars ... and wrote more books.
But my enthusiasm didn’t last long. This time, after just two years, everything had become routine. Again, it felt like I was having the same conversations with the same people about the same topics. My clients came for four topics: health, love, money, and career ... and they all had more or less the same questions ... and they all had the same problems because of the same causes.
I had expected every person to be unique, and my work as a coach would therefore remain exciting. But I realized people are only seemingly different. Practically everyone follows the same social programs. Everyone functions within the framework of these programs.
That’s why my coaching sessions became routine. And again, I had reached a point where I was just functioning. And again, I was far too curious to keep this up any longer. I needed a change again.
In 2011, I attended a seminar on the question ‘What am I?’. The content matched what I had just discovered: people follow social programs over 99% of the time and therefore live like robots. The seminar leader posed the intriguing question: “What is a person without their programs?” In 2009, she had given up her old life, reduced her belongings to the contents of a suitcase, and flown to New Zealand. She spent seven months in silence, devoting herself entirely to exploring the question ‘What am I?’.
I was inspired. From that day on, I wanted to find out what I am without my programs. And because I am a researcher and scientist through and through, I wanted to find answers that went beyond me. What is a human? What is consciousness? How does social programming come about? How can we free ourselves from these programs? What exactly distinguishes us from animals? How to explain spiritual phenomena? How to unify science and spirituality?
To find the answer to the question ‘What am I?’, you must explore yourself. You observe yourself as thoroughly as possible and explore why you act the way you do, and why you think what you think. What is truthful? What comes from programs? Where do these programs come from? Etc.
At first, I did this while continuing to work as a coach and maintaining my social contacts. But over time, I realized I was functioning also outside of my career: as a father, as a brother, as a partner, as a friend. I saw the boredom in my private life. And I saw how I distracted myself to escape boredom: by consuming media and by spending time with people; the latter can be very enriching – but all too often it is but killing time together.
In 2014, my body showed me I needed to take my research to a higher level. I talk about this in my article “Why I Socially Isolated Myself for 3.5 Years – and What Came Out of It.” I describe the method of self-exploration in my article “How to Become What You Truly Are in 7 Steps.”
I have been practicing self-exploration ever since – and it is a new challenge every day. So even after ten years, it has not yet become routine. I am digging through the countless layers of my programs that envelop my true core like onion skins. These programs are the mental legacy of thousands and thousands of generations before me ... so it will take a lot of time to find and learn to master them. Self-exploration is a life task.
You can find more on this topic in my article “Why the Question ‘What am I?’ is Important and Magical,” and in my book “Being Free – Get Out of the Box.”
Further reading:
Article “Why I Socially Isolated Myself for 3.5 Years – and What Came Out of It”
Article “How to Become What You Truly Are in 7 Steps”
Article “Why the Question ‘What am I?’ is Important and Magical”
Book “Being Free – Get Out of the Box”
What truly matters is staying connected to our authentic self and following its guidance—whether that means changing 10 careers or none at all. Enjoyed the text.
I'm sorry, but I have to start with Dear Bernhard!
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this text confirming that I am not alone in the world, as I am!
I understand, or it is more accurate to say "I feel" every word you write. Thank you!
Everyone teases me that I'm a perpetual student. No way, and I'm not even trying to explain how much I enjoy "peeling back the layers of the onion."...
It's great that you shared this!